Top Ten Catholic pick-up line

May 14, 2009

10. May I offer you a light for that votive candle?
9. Hi there. My buddy and I were wondering if you would settle a dispute we’re having. Do you think the word should be pronounced HOMEschooling, or homeSCHOOLing?
8. Sorry, but I couldn’t help but noticing how cute you look in that ankle-length, shapeless, plaid jumper.
7. What’s a nice girl like you doing at a First Saturday Rosary Cenacle like this?
6. You don’t like the culture of death either? Wow! We have so much in common!
5. Let’s get out of here. I know a much cozier little Catholic bookstore downtown.
4. I bet I can guess your confirmation name.
3. You’ve got stunning scapular-brown eyes.
2. Did you feel what I felt when we reached into the holy water font at the same time?
1. Confess here often?

5 bob to: Ad Te Levávi Ánimam Meam


Atheism In The Woods

May 4, 2009

5 bob to: Atheism In The Woods « Me So Catholic

Atheism In The Woods

Grizzly Bear

An atheist was walking through the woods…

“What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!” He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned, he saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charging toward him!

He started to run as fast as he could, but realized the bear was closing in on him.

Then, he tripped and fell to the ground. When he rolled over the bear was right on top of him, raising his paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out, “Oh my God!”

Time Stopped! The bear froze. The forest was silent.

Jesus LightThen, a bright light shone upon the man, and a voice said, “You deny my existence for all these years, teach others that I don’t exist, and even credit creation to some cosmic ‘accident’. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Can I count on you as a believer?”

The atheist looked directly into the light, “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?”

“Very well,” said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. Then the bear brought both paws together, bowed his head and said…

“Blesss us, O Lord, for these Thy gifts, which we are about to receive, through Thy bounty, through Christ the Lord, Amen.”

)


Which One Is Which?

October 6, 2008

The always refreshing blog Roman Catholic Vocations has the following photo in a more recent post about three sisters who all became Carmelites:

It is noted in the text of the story: “Sr. Anne resides at the Carmelite monastery on Carmel Drive, Sister Miriam at the monastery in Covington and Sister Vilma, in Rhode Island.”

I wonder which two live in monasteries and which one lives “in Rhode Island”?

Any guesses? Read the rest of this entry »


Overlay Stoles: Enjoy Them Now!

August 3, 2008

When I am king of the world, anyone caught wearing one on the outside of their chasuable (the 70s are over!) is going to be run out of town wearing ONLY their overlay stole.


Darth Vader, Aussie Anglicans & Icelandic Lutherans – What Is Going On?

August 2, 2008

5 bob to TheForce.Net where it is written:

Darth Vader & The Icelandic Church?

Posted By Mike on July 26, 2008

Our friend Kevin sent over the following regarding Darth Vader making an appearance with members of the Icelandic church:

“This happened in Iceland where the national religion is Lutheren.

At the start of a priest “gathering” or “summit”, for lack of a better word, 140 priests and all the top players of the Icelandic church took a quiet little photo-op stroll before Mass. A member of the Icelandic Unified Atheist League showed up to pester them and humiliate. The strangest part is that only one tv news network (believe it or not we have 3) and one newspaper (of which we have 4) covered this hilarious mystery guest.

Notice the guy in the red frock trailing the priest procession? That is the bishop of Iceland, the most powerfull man within the Icelandic church. Notice the guys with guns protecting him and tackling Darth Vader for reasons of national security? No, me neither…”

Interestingly… Darth recently appeared in procession with the Anglicans of Australia… image From our brethren at Stand Firm:

 

 

 

 

 

 

The writer suggest that Darth may have converted and was leaving the dark side. Me? I think they may be confused Read the rest of this entry »


Just To Scare Jack Chick Fans & Other Various And Sundry Conspiracy Theorists…

July 9, 2008

 Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!


Clergy Couture… Fab – u – LOUS! + Beauty Tips For Ministers

May 19, 2008

Clergy Couture

I now have seen it all, or so I thought.  Then I discovered…

Beauty Tips for Ministers written by a woman whose nom de blogis “PeaceBang”.  (Run with it…)

About

PeaceBang thinks of herself as the stage mother to the American clergy, and she wants ALL her babies to be stars!

This is the gospel of Beauty Tips For Ministers: if clergypeople believe that religious life is vital, relevant and beautiful, they should look the part. PeaceBang is fond of saying that if we do not project an image intentionally, we will project one unconconsciously. She believes that God has made a good gift in you, and you don’t bring an unwrapped gift to God’s party.

This blog is for the encouragement of self-care, the sharing of tips, and the celebration of shoes, lip gloss, fragranced shaving cream, and all of the other accoutrements of vanity which have hitherto been considered wholly unholy, and therefore generally discussed only in hushed whispers among the servants of the LORD.

I do believe if any female minister on the American scene can guide the non-Catholic world through the perils and pitfalls of beauty secrets and being fabulous, to whom else should they turn but a woman minister whose credentials speak for themselves?

I am not going to get all high-and-mighty here and pretend that I don’t absolutely LOVE “Sex and the City” and that it didn’t get me through several break-ups (along with enormous bowls of buttered popcorn liberally doused with chili powder), but I will freely admit that I was deeply offended by the first few episodes I saw and prepared to DENOUNCE IT FROM THE PULPIT. A funny thing happened on my way to researching that sermon further, though: I found myself crying over an episode and that was it — I was totally IN with Carrie and her posse.

Well there you go, I guess.


Reason #4546 It Is A Special Blessing From The Almighty To Be An Ohioan

April 23, 2008

Florida « Annunciations
What someone in Oldsmar (near Tampa) found in their kitchen yesterday morning:

See that is just like reason #4546 why Florida living would not be for this Ohioan… I don’t want to have to walk around my own home with a sidearm in case one of those ugly sorrowful things happens to be in the room I next enter…

From Wikipedia: An average American alligator’s weight and length is 800 lbs (360 kg) and 13 feet (4 m) long.

NO THANKS!


For You Carbon Footprint Makers Out There!

April 19, 2008

Read all about it:  http://www.creativeminorityreport.com/2008/04/i-heart-pitter-patter-of-carbon.html

Available in white or natural – $8.50 Free Shipping!!

 

 

 

 


Holy Father, Ohio Can Top That!

April 18, 2008

45,000+ people at the papal Mass with 500,000+ people wanting tickets between DC & NY…

It occurs to this Buckeye we can top that here in Ohio, easily. With a seating capacity of 102,329 (not counting seats on the field),  plenty of lodging, great parking, and an good airport in Columbus… The Pope could stay up the street at the Pontifical College Josephinum (he literally owns the place, he does have a room there)…

Just doing the math, 5 Masses over 5 days…  That adds up. 

Maybe next time, eh? Think about it.

And Rob from AZ – you are welcome to sleep on the couch as you take in the glory of the Heartland. What are friends for?  You bring the beer.


The Fifth Cardinal Virtue

April 15, 2008

 

An effort of the will and the grace of God are marking characteristics of cardinal virtues. Through their practice other virtues come to fruition, in fact all other virtues are dependant on the practice of the cardinal virtues. All virtues are an avenue towards God. How many times have you shown others more mercy than you would have before you ate that little piece of chocolate (the practice of brotherly love)? How many times have you turned to chocolate after a disappointing conversation (the practice of humility)? How many times have you enjoyed a piece of chocolate you had to share some with another (practice of liberality)? How many times have you turned around after realizing you forgot to buy a piece of chocolate (the practice of diligence)? How many examples must I cite? Chocolate is clearly the fifth cardinal virtue. The Spanish have known this for quite some time now. When the Jesuits were expelled in the Eighteenth Century they were allowed to bring their breviary, some clothes, chocolate and other necessities of travel.


Stop, Drop & Roll « Overheard in the Sacristy

April 10, 2008

Stop, Drop & Roll « Overheard in the Sacristy
Stop, Drop & Roll
April 9, 2008
Nun saves burning man with her habitA Nun saved a burning man from death by jumping on him – then smothering the flames with her habit.

Brave Sister Donatella Ciucciumei, 51, saw the elderly man douse himself in petrol in a street in San Severino Marche, in Italy.

She ran towards the 71-year-old as he raised a lit match to his body.
And as he was engulfed in flames, she jumped on top of him, spreading her habit to douse the flames.

The nun was unhurt and the man is recovering after sustaining second degree burns to most of his body.

Sister Donatella has visited daily to offer him counselling. Police said he was depressed because his wife left him.
Posted by Fr Loren Gonzales

 I think that explains why I would feel so much safer around her…rather than her…

Wrestling With God…

April 10, 2008

5 bob to: Annual Vocation Discernment Retreat 2008 « What’s On

In this corner we have aged 18, weight in at 140 pounds, all the way from Demines… Joooooooooooooooooooooooooe Smith!

If you are a young Catholic man in Singapore, give it a look!


Too Funny

April 8, 2008

5 bob to: American Papist


Support This Catholic Family!

April 4, 2008

From Marcel LeJeune of the MarySaggies blog:

Some friends who have a wonderful Catholic family of 9 kids, all home-schooled, are in the final 10 of a $25,000 college scholarship contest (and the parents are Aggie Catholics if you needed more incentive). They created a great video, but now need your votes to help them win. Go here to vote for them (yes, you have to fill out a short registration).

5 bob to: American Papist


Do You Know How Hard It Would Be For Me To Resist The Temptation To Take This Baby For A Spin If I Had This Man’s Job?

April 2, 2008

Not that the Secret Service wouldn’t have something to say about it.  It would sooooo be worth it though.

5 bob to: American Papist


For The Papist Who Has Everything…

November 21, 2007


It has come to my attention that a bobble-head is being made of our Supreme Pontiff. Not to mock or make fun, but in the world of bobble-heads it is a bit of an honor.

The history of bobblers – according to venerable wikipedia (my first best source for all really odd minutae):

“The modern bobblehead first appeared in the 1950s. By 1960, Major League Baseball had gotten in on the action and produced a series of papier-mache bobblehead dolls, one for each team, all with the same cherubic face. The World Seriesheld that year brought the first player-specific baseball bobbleheads, for Roberto Clemente, Mickey Mantle, Roger Maris, and Willie Mays, still all with the same face. Over the next decade, after a switch in materials from paper-mache to ceramic, bobbleheads would be produced for other sports, as well as cartoon characters. One of the most famous bobbleheads of all time also hails from this era: The Beatlesbobblehead set, which is a valuable collectible today. By the mid-1970s, though, the bobblehead craze was in the process of winding down.

I want one.

Is that wrong? I already have one of Teddy Roosevelt. I think they could be buddies on my shelf – Ole Rough & Ready Teddy meets Our German Shephard.

They also make a JP2 bobbler… but for some reason I think I would rather have have the JP2 commemorative Christmas ornaments.

When it comes, however, to the action figure loving papist in your life (and we all know at least one), perhaps this Pope Innocent III action figure is in order!

Armed with his formidable power of excommunication and an intimidating scroll inscribed with Latin text, this 6″ (15.2 cm) tall, hard vinyl model of the 176th Pope will soon have all your other action figures lining up for confession.Read the back of the package and you’ll find that Pope Innocent III was a good guy in all respects. He was a patron of the arts, cared about orphans, built a hospital and reunified the Papal States.Comes with removable fancy Pope hat!

Boy, had I had one of those as a child, my afternoon play might have been very different. What chance did Hordak have against the threat of excommunication? (If you don’t get the reference, you probably just weren’t born in the 70s…)

For the petite papist in your life, a “pope doll” from Germany may be in order. I have not been able to determine what accessories can be bought for this delightful doll. Vestments, croziers, mozzetta, cloak (tabarro) , papal slippers, and papal Prada… Is it too much to hope?

Only 36 shopping days left before Christmas!